Wednesday, November 21, 2012

To Pee Or Not To Pee




Too pee or not to pee, that is the question. Quite the simple one at that - due to the uncomfortable disposition one would endure upon choosing not to. I would, on that stream, pose a more provocative question - one that would look a man dead in the eye and coax him to question his very existence.


We all profusely enjoy the ablutionary facilities that have time and time again, put us out of our misery.. We’ve told people to piss off and occasionally experienced the unfathomably treacherous smell of stale piss whilst touring joburg streets. We’ve wet our beds as younger versions and furthermore, an uber strange few among us even enjoy having it being drizzled upon us during actions of the night.
All of this is why, at this stage, I think we can deduce that urinating is as natural an act as feeling passionate about shooting the entire Generations cast. But why then my good man, does my fellow urinater, who utilizes the urinal next to mine, feel absolutely compelled to stare at my credentials? To stare or not to stare- that is the question actually. Yet somehow, and very sadly,  the question starts to beg at alot of my fellow urinalians… too much really






I remember vividly a night on the town with my lovely half , spent guzzling away at the alcoholic contents of our styrofoam cups. Deafening into ourselves and the evening, we drank heavily and as a result had to visit the facilities . After having marched into the restroom, with a grunt and a sigh of relief, I drifted into the miraculous buzz that was a piss. As my mind drifted further away from my immediate environment to a magical imaginary place with waterfalls, I heard an abrupt - “hey”. As I turned to be faced with the interrupter of my bodily function I was bombarded with a seemingly far less abrupt - “Nice Dick”.






I have considered many a possibility and reasons behind that unfortunate event, came up with a few good ones too: He could have just happened to see it, with my blazze urinating vogue,  and thought to himself - "Hmm, that’s a nice dick, I should tell him", or I was being mocked due to the possibility that my dick could not in fact be described as 'Nice’. It could also have been that he was/is gay - explaining his intent on surveying another mans package then mustering the courage to critique it based on his notions and experience in varying levels of penis aesthetics. Sick bastard.

A more recent event led me to discover the psychology behind the urinal staremanship. As I pee’d with guy to my left and guy to my right, sandwiched in the act, it dawned on me.
Consider this image, or situation rather ( it shouldn’t be hard because I know you’ve been there – well that’s only if you are a guy or a confused woman - or something worse). You waltz into an ablution room, tank on full and the only urinal available is the one in the middle - about ten centimeters right and left of two other guys already going at it. You get in there and nervously unholster your weapon  You clear your throat, and away you go. The three of you are engaged in an activity that renders every other part of your body completely useless. You basically, HAVE NOTHING TO DO WHILE YOU PEE.
What do you rest your eyes on - your firing uzzi? You don’t need to, you’re pretty certain it’s doing its job. The wall? Its too close, your eyes will strain under the obscure focus.
You cant look down, nor can you look ahead. There’s no use looking up, unless you’re an infant who hasn’t learnt how to roll over and Ill leave it to you to conclude the number wonder of other directions you can comfortably turn your head.

What makes that one harder is that your subconscious knows that the other two guys suffer from the same disposition. They very well could be staring at your junk. Only one word is adequate to describe a situation such as this - (I rescued this one from my feelings concerning elevators and the people in them)  ‘Awkward’ .






Have a go at this notion next time you take leak would you mate?

Untill then my Goodman, to pee or not to pee? That is the question. A more provocative question poses itself therein - one that looks a man dead in the eye and make him question his existence. To stare and compliment or not to stare and compliment


theLVNGrmr 

***

No comments:

Post a Comment